Dear Constant Reader,
I hate writing these. This one more than most. And it’s taken me so long to figure out what to say.
Toni Elling was the first Legend I met. It was at Miss Exotic World 2006, the first time the event was held in Las Vegas (and the only time I’ve been.) I was sitting by the registration desk, chatting, and this graceful woman came over and said “You look like what we would call an ‘exotic’.” then complimented my outfit and apologized for interrupting. I believe I was speechless beyond “thank you”.
To paraphrase Scratch, when she walked into a room, you looked; when she spoke, you listened (if you were smart). I learned many nuggets of wisdom from her that I still use and gift to my students. At The Expo I was escorting her back to her room after her class on panels. I was planning to head to Willy Barrett’s Delsarte class — I never miss one if I can help it — after I dropped her off. But she she invited me in and started talking. I stayed, of course, delighted for the honor of a private conversation.
I had the fortune and pleasure to see her several times and each time, no matter the circumstances, she always remembered where we had last seen each other and had something kind to say. The last time we spoke, a big group Zoom call for her 92nd birthday, I was sure she wouldn’t remember who I was, but she thanked me for my latest letter, apologized for not writing back, and said she hoped to come to Boston again. Later, it was so painful to learn that her sharp mind was failing her.
She was gracious and graceful and the epitome of class. Recently Scratch shared this story with me. I think it demonstrates well those virtues of hers. When she was the Guest of Honor at The Expo, on Sunday morning, Scratch took her out for a quiet breakfast at a diner not far from our house. Albert had been in our life for just about a year and I think this was the longest we’d been away from him. Scratch was talking about him and Miss Toni must have picked up on the love and worry because she said “I think I’d like to meet this cat of yours.” Scratch brought her to The Manor where I’m sure she and Albert charmed one another.
My heart goes out to all those who are mourning their Mama Toni, especially GiGi Holiday and Lottie Ellington who took such good care of her.
There’s a lovely article about Miss Toni and her legacy in the Detroit Metro Times.
Farewell, Satin Doll.
